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| Columns by Sherrie Nist |
| Is it a choice? By Sherrie Nist Recently, Cynthia Nixon (the actress) commented that she made a choice to be a lesbian, and the 'born this way' LGBT community members responded with outrage. How dare she, they asked, say that homosexuality is a choice? I’m appalled at the homophobia inherent in that remark. The implication that we are victims of some horrible genetic mistake, because, they offer as evidence to back up their argument, who would voluntarily choose to be gay? The answer: lots of people, including myself. I am no scientist, psychologist, or sociological researcher, but I do know this: sexual orientation is on a continuum. A person’s sexual orientation can fall anywhere along that scale. The closer you are to either end (completely gay, or completely straight), the less likelihood that you’ll explore the opposite end of the spectrum. |
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| You're too old to read this column By Sherrie Nist Nothing riles up an e-mail list of lesbians more than an age-specific singles event. Recently, an 'Under 50 Singles Dinner' was announced, and many outraged 50 and older women swung into action. Age discrimination, they cried. How can we be excluded from a lesbian event, they asked, when we have suffered from exclusion just for being a lesbian? Give me a break. I don't get what the big deal is. Yes, I know that people often date outside their age group. For the couples I know of, it never lasted very long. It's simply true that couples not too far apart in age have a better shot at longevity. And if you are in a large age gap relationship, and have been for quite some time, and it's working great, good for you .There's always exceptions. Why the anger? I can understand if someone just over the age limit is annoyed, but for god's sake, get over it. It's not about you. It's about the organizer, who can organize any kind of group she wants. It's not age discrimination. There are plenty of special interest groups that exclude others outside of the group's parameters. And if you really must go to the event, go and crash it. You're probably not going to be carded. As a Lesbian Social Network special event, once a year I run a speed dating night. All ages are welcome. I get lots of e-mails before the event, asking me if I know what the probable age range of participants will be. I don't, and one of the common comments I often hear afterwards, is that there wasn't enough women in their age group. Sometimes it skews young, sometimes older. It's a crap shoot. But I encourage participants to keep an open mind, and also think of it as a good opportunity to make new friends. My favorite part of this discussion is that, as a result of feeling discriminated against, a group of over 50's women are organizing their own event, a dinner for the over 50 crowd. That's a good thing. But what I find ironic about it, is that they didn't organize an all ages dinner, they organized an age group-specific dinner, so aren't they now the ones excluding an entire age bracket? Having a singles night for a particular group is not age discrimination. Not being hired for a job because of your age is discrimination. Every event does not have to be aimed at the entire community. Some types of events are great for that purpose, and some events are more specifically focused. There's nothing wrong with that. If nobody is throwing the type of event you'd like to go to, do it yourself. And, if you're wondering how old I am, I'm 60. |
| Here’s the breakdown: 0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual 1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual 2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual 3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual 4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual 5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual 6- Exclusively homosexual |
| Obviously, people in the middle categories are in a position to make choices. I don’t understand why many gay/lesbian people don’t want to acknowledge that possibility. Yes, we were born with our sexual orientation. That’s not a choice. But what you do with it is. The more people who choose to embrace their homosexual sides, the better, as far as I’m concerned. I applaud the choice! It’s not an easy one to make. There are so many factors—social conditioning, family attitudes toward gays, the environment you surround yourself in, etc.— influencing that choice, it’s no wonder that everyone does not manage to be true to their inner selves. However, I really have an issue with the “Woe is me, I’m gay” attitude. I know it’s difficult, especially when you’re young, to accept having a homosexual orientation. But once you get out of high school, it gets easier. Much easier. That’s what the It Gets Better campaign is all about. I just don’t like sending the message that because you’re gay, you’re going to live a miserable life. That really does nothing to encourage those ‘middle of the continuum people’ to embrace whatever level of gayness they have. It negates the message of the It Gets Better campaign. How are our young, struggling LGBT community members supposed to believe that it gets better, in the face of the ‘to be gay is to be doomed to a terrible life of misery and social isolation’ attitude, and the idea that nobody would choose to be gay, ever. Another issue is, how do we define bisexual? I was married for 14 years, and have two children, so, obviously, I participated in heterosexual behavior. I like being a lesbian a lot better, and I think that makes me a lesbian. Are bisexuals you may be dating inevitably going to dump you for someone of the opposite sex? Why is that worse than being dumped for someone of the same gender? The cold hard reality is that most of us will eventually be dumped for someone, sometime, and no matter who it is, it hurts like hell. I was married to a man for 14 years. I always knew I was more attracted to women, but didn’t know what to do about it. When I was in school, there weren’t any out lesbian role models, at least not in my small town. And certainly not at the Catholic schools I attended for 12 years. So, I stifled my same sex attractions, and married the guy I dated all through high school. I know many lesbians in my age group who did the same thing. We just didn’t see being a lesbian as a viable choice. But, eventually, the time came for me to make my choice. I had fallen in love with one of my best friends, and incredibly, she felt the same way. It was now or never, and I wasn’t going to pass up my chance to be who I’ve always suspected I really was. I went for it - jumped headfirst into the abyss, bringing my two daughters with me. Was there a fairy tale ending, and did we all live happily ever after? No. Not even close. But, I was no longer an imposter in life. I was finally me, and that’s what I always wanted, and was afraid I’d never be. |
| Green Day’s American Idiot By Sherrie Nist Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll, and Redemption: Green Day’s American Idiot, now playing at ASU Gammage through April 29th, has all these elements, and more. It has characters, played to perfect angry imperfection, plus incredible, head-banging, hard rocking, loud, pulsating, blow the roof off, burn the house down, MUSIC! Johnny, Will, and Tunny are angry young slackers, who have fallen prey to the all too common temptations of their generation. Set in the George W. Bush era, after 9/11, Tunny enlists in the Iraq war, is wounded, and loses a leg. Johnny escapes suburbia, and becomes a drug addict. Will gets his girlfriend pregnant, and settles into a life of struggling. He escapes with the aid of his beer and his bong. It’s a predictable story about the crisis of adolescence. The actors are excellent, the choreography is brilliant (in one scene, a burka clad girl appears over Tunny’s hospital bed, and they perform an inspired dance above the bed). I liked the backdrop of the stage, which featured a multitude of video monitors, spewing CNN headlines, infomercials, celebrity gossip, with a few test patterns thrown in. The plot evolves through a series of scenes, between the musical numbers, usually beginning with Johnny reading a snarky letter to his mother. And, did I mention the MUSIC? I loved it! The only thing that would have made it even better is being able to get up and dance. Loud, raucous punk rock is not my most favorite genre of music (it’ s not my least favorite, either), but I’ve already ordered the Green Day CD, American Idiot, which contains most of the songs from the play. The songs not on the American Idiot CD are on the 21st Avenue Breakdown CD. I ordered that too. These characters are all representations of the “American Idiot.” But, there’s another reference to another American Idiot. It comes as the curtain rises. The previously mentioned monitor screens featured George W. Bush, spouting his memorable line, “Either you are with us, or with the terrorists.” And the redemption? See the play. Tickets and more information are available here. |
| You're too old to read this column By Sherrie Nist Nothing riles up an e-mail list of lesbians more than an age-specific singles event. Recently, an 'Under 50 Singles Dinner' was announced, and many outraged 50 and older women swung into action. Age discrimination, they cried. How can we be excluded from a lesbian event, they asked, when we have suffered from exclusion just for being a lesbian? Give me a break. I don't get what the big deal is. Yes, I know that people often date outside their age group. For the couples I know of, it never lasted very long. It's simply true that couples not too far apart in age have a better shot at longevity. And if you are in a large age gap relationship, and have been for quite some time, and it's working great, good for you .There's always exceptions. Why the anger? I can understand if someone just over the age limit is annoyed, but for god's sake, get over it. It's not about you. It's about the organizer, who can organize any kind of group she wants. It's not age discrimination. There are plenty of special interest groups that exclude others outside of the group's parameters. And if you really must go to the event, go and crash it. You're probably not going to be carded. As a Lesbian Social Network special event, once a year I run a speed dating night. All ages are welcome. I get lots of e-mails before the event, asking me if I know what the probable age range of participants will be. I don't, and one of the common comments I often hear afterwards, is that there wasn't enough women in their age group. Sometimes it skews young, sometimes older. It's a crap shoot. But I encourage participants to keep an open mind, and also think of it as a good opportunity to make new friends. My favorite part of this discussion is that, as a result of feeling discriminated against, a group of over 50's women are organizing their own event, a dinner for the over 50 crowd. That's a good thing. But what I find ironic about it, is that they didn't organize an all ages dinner, they organized an age group-specific dinner, so aren't they now the ones excluding an entire age bracket? Having a singles night for a particular group is not age discrimination. Not being hired for a job because of your age is discrimination. Every event does not have to be aimed at the entire community. Some types of events are great for that purpose, and some events are more specifically focused. There's nothing wrong with that. If nobody is throwing the type of event you'd like to go to, do it yourself. And, if you're wondering how old I am, I'm 60. |
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